Brayden show not tell

WALT use similes and alliteration in our writing to put a picture in the readers mind.

 I ran down the field side stepping other players. I ran as fast as lightning, I was nearly at the line I dived I new momentum would take me over the line I slid about ten meters and scored the try I felt amazing. The score was 22-21 the pressure was on Aaron Cruden he had to get the kick over I was so nervous my feet were shaking like I was in the North Pole . If he didn’t get it we would lose to the Australians. he kicked it and it bounced off the post and went over the posts. We won the game the crowd went wild, they were screaming and jumping up and down. I could see their arms waving up and down in the air. I was as happy as a hamster having a hilarious hair day .